It all starts with the vows we take at the onset of the marriage. All the promises, the infatuation, the gifts and the excitement of being a couple. It’s like having your best friend sleep over forever.
It seems that many books, articles and people in general call the first few years the “honeymoon stage” – a phrase we hear all too often. What happens after the honeymoon stage is what I want to talk about.
When you meet that ultimate partner, intimate lover, your everything, the idea that you will slowly separate would never even cross your mind. How does it happen? Let me go back to the beginning. When you met your partner, did you know exactly what you wanted in a relationship and/or life partner? Did you have your list of what you wanted in a partner? Did you take any courses on “how to be in a relationship”?
If the answer is no to all my questions, that is why I believe that relationships/marriages are faltering more and more every day. In our grandparent’s generation, people married for a purpose, a reason, as well as it was the social norm. Husbands needed their wives and wives needed their husbands to survive. Today, why do people get married? Perhaps you would answer to have children, or to build a life together, or not be alone – in many ways, the same reasons our grandparents married. Then, why is it that more than half of the population is getting divorced?
Love relationships are based on two premises:
1. Best Friend, and
2. Lover.
This concept has nothing to do with children or society; it has to do with actually liking the person you are with and wanting to have sex with that person. If either the “best friend” or “lover” part of the relationship starts to falter, then it is time to check in on your marriage.
I would say that most couples I see in my practice endure many years of no sex, no talking and no fun, before they search for ways to rectify what they may not have had in the beginning. Many couples will dismiss the relationship, saying that it is what it is, or they may just ignore the relationship in fear of the inevitable.
You are worth a wonderful life and so is your partner.
Your primary relationship is the most important and it affects everything around you. Intimacy cannot be put on hold, nor can enjoying one another’s company. If you are separating in your marriage, don’t wait to spend your life savings getting divorced. If your marriage is not loving, respectful, full of joy and sex, you may be legally married, but you are ultimately separated.