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Relationships - Living, Dying and Trying - by Duncan Rydall

Experience in life is a gift if we choose to accept it, meaning we learn from it. Cutting to the chase, in life the only true thing we need is love. That’s it plain and simple love is the only invisible, intangible, indescribable thing we as humans require. Every other material object, conquest, desire or need is immaterial. If you can understand and truly embrace that concept you are going to be travelling on a fabulous journey. Yes there will be bumps in the road, detours, hurdles, landslides, and loss but to live with love as your only requirement the journey’s going to be less disruptive to you.

Is the grass greener on the other side of the fence? Only because it has not had the feet trampling, the mileage and impacts of life on it is it greener. Understanding that you have the ability to change your circumstances at any time. Being in a relationship intimately and general relationships are arguably one in the same. There really is no difference or reason to change our attitude or how we present ourselves. By operating in such a way you deny the opportunity to have an authentic relationship with whomever is in front of you at that moment. Being you at every opportunity programs you to be that authentic person that you are. There is no hidden agenda, no reason to lie, and no reluctance from the other party because their internal mechanisms sense the authenticity in front of them.

I like visuals so bear with me the simple thought or prospect that we are all born with a virtual toolbox. We may have been blessed to have some tools in the toolbox that were passed on from our ancestors. We may have been cursed with tools that do not serve us. Or the toolbox is empty and it is for ourselves to gain experience and knowledge to accessorize the toolbox. Take the time to inventory your belief system and see what is in your toolbox. Remove what is not necessary and seek knowledge to place useful tools in your toolbox. It is like spring cleaning for the heart and soul. The flip side of this visual is a tool for you to use when you meet someone; systematically think of what they bring to the conversation via their toolbox. You may find that their toolbox is full or it fell off the bumper so to speak and you now have the opportunity to be empathetic to them. Use your tools wisely and only offer what they can handle. Sometimes the simplest tool is our ears…

Be true to yourself, place yourself on the opposite of every conversation and be present and conscious of the conversation. That is one of the largest problems in any relationship, the lack of listening to what others are saying to you. We are the biggest time wasters because we are constantly pushing conversations or interrupting with an assumed answer or filling in the blanks. This causes confusion and frustration along with the need to repeat the conversation. As adults we claim that time is accelerating but we are guilty of expediting time with our impatient I am in a hurry, I cannot reply to an email correctly I’ll just use Imogies and icons and we blame misspelling on auto correct. It is because we are rushing ourselves and each other that time accelerates; be in the moment and enjoy it.

Take time out for you, it will never come back and no one will provide it to you except you. Placing yourself in the proper priority will ensure you can provide support and have a fulfilling life. Sacrificing yourself for others will bring no rewards, only miss opportunities for yourself. You deserve your own time and space to reflect, recharge and grow.

Dying is a natural effect of living; one follows the other and there is no escaping it. Encourage living in the moment and filling your days with meaningful pastimes. Missing out or putting things off until latter may mean it will never occur. Regrettably so many people never see the golden years or die young. Experience has taught that you need to smell the roses, eat the ice cream and pursue that love in your life. Treat each kiss like it was the first kiss and the relationship sparks will always be there.

Just some random thoughts…use them, share them and encourage yourself to reflect upon them.

Duncan Rydall

Duncan Rydall
Duncan Rydall About the author: Duncan Rydall was born in Northern Ontario in 1967. Duncan is a survivor of sexual assault at the age of 9; Duncan found the courage to report the incident at the age of 27 and the perpetrator was convicted and imprisoned after dozens of others came forward. Duncan experienced a stove top fire in his family home and that sparked his drive to be in the fire service. He lost his firefighter wife to cancer in 2015 and felted compelled to write about his experiences so that he may help others. Currently, Duncan is a divisional chief in a municipal fire department; he has multiple diplomas from the Provincial Fire College, Community colleges, leadership development certificates, and has previously published several literary items.

Professionally trained to speak to others on relationship and loss he is not, but his life experiences in the fire service and otherwise brings unparalleled experience in life.
One Size Does Not Fit All - by Paul Pellman LLB