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Cellular Phones during a Divorce are like kryptonite to Superman

Cellular phones have become a tool to use in the moments of anger, rage and sadness at any time, day or night to either write your ex-spouse and or receive messages from them.  More times than not the messages are not kind, and often quite vicious.  Why? For what purpose?

How many of you who are separated and/or divorced have copied messages from your ex-spouse and handed it over to your lawyer?

I want to discuss the innate desire to pick up your cellular phone and write emails and text messages full of pure “hate mail” rather than an “email” to the father or mother of your children, your first love and the person you exchanged vows with.  The fact of the matter is your relationship ended, writing messages of pure viciousness is nor healthy or a tool to self-care.

One of the worst devices in separation/divorce today is our telephones.  We look at them all day at work, while we are travelling and often when we are supposed to be sleeping.  Waiting, yes waiting for a message from a person that you are supposedly not married to any longer.  It can be defined as an addiction, the message comes in, your adrenaline starts and without even thinking you start typing.  You type, often not even reading what you wrote and press send.  Then out of pure anger (fear) you then send it to your lawyer and anyone else that will listen.  That one text/hate mail just cost a lot of money in legal fees because you are hurting, frustrated and angry.

How are you taking care of your emotions?  Are you using your cellular phone to heal a very traumatic time in your life? 

Separation and divorce is a very different type of trauma, the person was someone that you spent 365 days a year with and usually over ten years of your life or longer. 

I am often asked how long it takes to heal/grieve a separation/divorce and my reply is always at least three years or more.  If you choose counselling and working on your feelings, you can find the peace you are seeking. 

Let’s put cellular phones away, they are not a tool to heal a separation/divorce. 

Lawyers are about the law and health care professionals are about the journey to healing and grieving the emotions.

You are worth it. 

Angel Freedman B.S.W RSW

Individual, Family and Relationship Counsellor

Parenting Educator

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