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Can separation and divorce be respectful and amicable?

The answer is yes absolutely.

Couples get separated and divorced every day. This is not a news flash. It seems though that when the process starts the couple and everyone around them starts to act like they are the first couple to get divorced on the entire planet. How many times do you hear, “oh you are getting divorced, good for you.....you have chosen to be happy in your life” or “wonderful news you are going to move forward and now you are teaching your children that relationships end instead of staying in a loveless marriage”. So far I haven’t heard those statements from many people.

It seems that as a society we don’t like to talk about separation and divorce. People get married and that is a happy occasion, but once that couple starts to talk about terminating the union because it is not working out, everyone around them starts judging and advice giving. As a counsellor I am not an “advice giver” I am a person who will make suggestions and build upon how the client wants to start on his or her healing path and moving forward. No one has the right to tell another human being what to do. It always seems that the “advice givers” are suddenly therapists and usually they themselves are in marriages that are not working out.

In our self help group we discuss seeking out new friends after divorce. I never suggest to leave your old friends or your friends that you and your spouse had, but I do suggest that a few new friends that didn’t know you as a married couple isn’t a bad idea. Finding an activity or class is also a great way to meet new people and avoids the continual questions about why you got divorced. Supportive non advice giving friends are fantastic and if you are a friend of a couple going through a divorce, be a good listener it is usually what the person needs.

Respect can be very difficult when emotions are running high. If you put your children and yourself first you can find it in yourself to be respectful to the partner you are divorcing.

Emotionally intelligent people have amicable separations and divorce. They have decided that the union ended, they want to find happiness for the rest of their lives and they don’t want to spend their life savings to pay lawyers to separate from a person they no longer love.

It all sounds pretty simple, but then why are our courts full of unhappy divorcing people?

Bottom line; it is your choice and you are the only one that can decide that you are emotionally intelligent and you want to live the rest of your life in a happy way. Seek a counsellor, seek a self help group and make a plan.

http://www.angelfreedman.com/counselling-services.html

Angel

Healing Separation & Divorce Without Medication.
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