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Are you unable to talk to your ex-spouse - choose your children first.......

Tonight I have a few suggestions for people who are separated and/or divorced about having no relationship with your ex-spouse. Are you not talking to your ex-spouse and can’t come to an agreement as two adults, what are you doing to your children and best to yourself?

When you say something derogative to your children about your ex-spouse, you are directly saying the same thing about your children. If you say, “your father is stupid” you are telling your children that they are in fact stupid. Remember that your children come from you and your ex-spouse. Children unfortunately get caught in the middle of their mother and father’s divorce as pawns in a chess game. One parent or both looking for the control they feel they do not have. Compromise and conversation is always the winning ticket in this situation.

Parents need to remember that seeking help such as a self help group,counselling and talking about the realities of separation and divorce can help you on the road to healing. Staying angry will never let you move forward.

I also recommend family therapy for the whole family so everyone has a chance to speak about how they are feeling. Children also have a voice and feelings about the new life change that has occurred. **Parents listen very carefully to your children because they often have very real ideas that will help the situation.**

Parents put your children first and love them enough to let go of your feelings for your ex-spouse. You are the adult in this situation and you can choose to work this situation out.

Talking to your ex-spouse and often giving up the control you feel that you are lacking over your ex-spouse or your child is something you must work out on your own. The hard reality is your marriage is over, and probably was for a very long time. This is the truth, and the reality is you have the rest of your life to live and your children have probably been suffering through this relationship ending for years.

I always like to remind parents that children watch you all very closely. Do you not want them to end a relationship if they fall out of love and the marriage is not working? I would hope you say, yes.

Tomorrow I will BLOG “what a happy relationship looks like” and how children thrive when parents are happy.

Happy Parents....Happy Children


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